This and That

Today has been a chill kind of day here. Cruddy weather - chilly and drippy - so I decided no walks or errands today. We would just stay in and nap and play and nap and play. So Tucker is currently napping - fought it, but he was tired!

He did pretty well last night - yay! Got up about 4 times to feed, but settled pretty well each time (except for when I had to change his nappy - he hates that!) and slept all night in his Moses Basket. When he would wake up, I would take the Basket into the guest room (I want to let Andrew sleep a little - he has to get up at 6am and go to work all day - no naps like me!) and then nurse him and lie him back in it. Then I would lie down on the floor and shut my eyes while he fussed a bit, but then ultimately fall asleep. He never really cried - just did a bunch of fussin'. Then when he fell asleep, I brought the basket back to the bedroom and went to sleep in the bed. I felt okay when I woke up, so we'll see how this works. Now I do know it will have its ups and downs and good nights and but it's a start!

I wrote to one friend yesterday that I have been feeling so self absorbed this last month. I don't know if that is just a new mom thing or what, but I am sorry for any unreturned emails, status updates left unremarked on, calls left unmade. This little guy has thrown us for a loop and every time I remember to do something, he wakes up or needs to nurse and I forget it by the time I am back to the computer! But I am so thankful for all of my friends and family. You all have been great and I appreciate all the support.

So I am giving in to the crappy hair that will be mine for the next who knows how long! Going to just keep growing it out and throw it in a ponytail! I did go and get a box of hair color (sorry Micah! I had to) so I could color the grays!

What I really need to remember - someone please help me - is to get a pair of dish washing gloves! This house has a clothes dryer - which is unusual for London - but it does not have a dishwasher. And my hands have been washed SO many times the last month they are dry and raw and I need to get gloves!!!

Tucker has been doing a great job of his tummy time and lifting his head - it is GREAT! He is so wonderful and amazing. He makes the funniest faces. And in the morning when he wakes up - oh my the stretches and contortions he goes through is hilarious! Head goes back as he is yawning and arms go out and the head goes back again and it just goes on! ha! Then he will nurse and fart int he middle of it all and pause while nursing and get these big eyes and look up like, oops, that was me! Or he will just poop while nursing and it is going in one end and coming out the other! You know you're a mom when you are eating spaghetti, trying not to drop it on your kids head as he is nursing and pooping and you just eat away! Hehe! Yup, that was lunch today.

Anyway - props to all my Mom friends out there - you ladies rock and I am more in awe of you now than I was before. Going through it you just can't explain it unless you have been through it. And Dad's - you all rock as well!

And the LOVE that I have for this little guy - just incredible. Never felt anything like it. He is my world.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeep

I know I know - Mummy's mean making sweet boy look like a combo of Daddy and Groucho Marx. But it is a little funny!

So sleep is a BIG thing on my mind lately - as I am sure it is on many parents minds - especially new ones. I have asked a few questions to friends on FB about pacifiers, and co sleeping and crying and have gotten many strong responses. People believe in what they do - and that is good - if it works for you and your family, then great. So now we have had to figure out what works for our family.

Pacifier - I have gone and gotten one. I let him have it if he wants it at sleeping times. he takes it some times, he doesn't at others. Most folks have said - it is easier to take away the pacifier (or dummy as it is called here in England) than it is to take away their thumb. And my friend Kriste also said - some women claim they don't have a pacifier, but they do - it is their breast. And that is true. I had been noticing that I was just trying to see if he wanted to feed even though he just had, and all he wanted was to suck for a sec, or just pretend to suck and not really eat. So I was becoming a pacifier. So, that is where we are with that.

Co-sleeping - I really like the idea of it. However, what we are dealing with here in the UK is a double bed and it is barely big enough for Andrew and I, let alone adding a baby we are trying not to squish. If we were back in Black Mountain and had bought the king size bed - then I would say yes. There just isn't the space here! But I have brought him into bed in the morning once Andrew has gotten up to get ready for work to keep him quiet for a little longer and to get some sweet snuggly time.

Crying and sleeping - whew! Last night I gave up on co sleeping and trying to lay him in his Moses Basket and put him into his froggy seat that vibrates and gets him to bed so nicely. So he slept in that on the floor next to our bed last night. I just had to catch a decent hour or two or rest so I didn't lose it. So any thoughts/advice/comments are appreciated on trying to get some sleep all across the board and have a healthy happy baby and family!

So, I will let you all know how this goes! But thanks for all the comments/well wishes/ support/ prayers/ advice - we appreciate it.

Love, the Marsh's

Mummy Time!

I LOVE looking at those chunky little cheeks! I am so happy with how well Tucker is growing and how alert and sweet and wonderful he is. I am also exhausted and tired and stressed and everything else at times - but I guess that is to be expected. Also to be expected - less time to write things down here, even though I desperately want to - just to keep a record of it all for my sanity/posterity. I want to look back on this and remember how I felt and what was going on day by day. So this post may be a mish mash of thoughts, but it is what comes to mind. I am, as every new mother is, exhausted. Tucker is going down well at first at night - and then usually again about 11ish, but that 2-3 am wake up call sucks. He is VERY alert then and wants to be up for an hour or more. And that is when I am fading fast and just trying not to fall asleep holding him before he falls asleep! he is also very congested and I think that adds to it. Not sure what to try. The nose sucker doesn't work as his nose is just too tiny for it - not going to stretch out the nostrils! The midwife is coming by today, so I can ask her about it all. But it is just sad to listen to him trying to breathe properly and just getting snot and stuff. So I lay there and hold him mostly upright and just pat him and rock him and love him. Sweet guy. We had our first real weekend at home where there was no major running around of errands to do. So Andrew got to spend all weekend here with us and get some major snuggling time in. That was nice. Although work beckoned yesterday - for me - and I spent about 7 hours on Skype calls and trying to sort out stuff for some 5/10k timing events we have going on this weekend coming up back home. Very frustrating trying to get stuff done over Skype when I can't actually be touching the machine and pushing the buttons that I think may fix something, etc. Thankfully we have some awesome folks helping us out back home and they are worth every penny! Cause I was ready to throw in the towel! I am reading up a storm - 2 books in the last 5 days. Got a library card and take stuff out to read while nursing Tucker. On that note - he's awake - time to nurse!

Praying for a good day

Monday - the start of a new week. Andrew is at work, the plumber came and fixed the shower, Tucker had a good night's sleep - which means so did Mummy (up a number of times, but right back asleep!), so this morning I am praying that today will be a good day. I know I will be tired. I know Tucker will get fussy, I know not everything will go my way. But I have a sweet baby boy who wants to cuddle with me, a husband who loves me, and a roof over my head. Breathe in and out.

Oh and as of today - I would still only be 37 weeks pregnant! Here is the little man when we went out on our great adventure Friday to get his official birth certificate.

BUSY!

So I have realized until I get the bouncy seat my mom has ordered for me - I don't have a lot of time to add to this blog/do anything. I have a stroller and his Moses Basket and other than that no means to put him down. He is not a fan of laying flat on the floor - so that is out. Mummy's arms and back are tired. But he is a sweet sweet baby and I just could kiss and hug and snuggle him up!

But being a Mom is hard work. It is time consuming and draining and exhausting. Even a little tougher being so far away from friends and family and doing it alone. I am really missing all my support right now. I know it will all start to get easier, and he is so worth it, but man oh man!

But really - how cute is he???

Dinner time.

Home at Last!

We are home! Got to sleep - well kind of, when I wasn't waking up to feed Tucker - in my own bed! And Daddy got some sweet snuggling time in this morning on the couch. Our little angel!

Tucker is Wearing his Going Home Outfit Today!

We are going home!!! Tucker finally weighs enough - 5lbs 10.3 ounces - and is not jaundiced! Yay! They even tested his breathing and he is all good to go! Thanks for all the prayers and well-wishes!

Baby Sunbathing

Well, a big high with Tucker's weight gain. Now he is back under the lights getting a baby tan because of the jaundice levels. So, no going home today. Blood test again at 8pm - probably too soon for a change - and every 8 hours after that until his levels get better. Mommy is frustrated with them not testing him a few days ago instead of waiting until weight was correct. We could have been dealing with both issues at once and his levels probably wouldn't have gotten so high. Can't expect them to go down with us not seeing the light of day for the last 10 days. So, after a really good cry with the midwife, I am better and ready for another night oer two in the hospital.

Hang in there Tucker - you are strong and sweet and Mum and Dad will hold this over you later on in your life;)

2.475 kilos!

Is today the day?!?!?! Tucker gained so much weight overnight - he is now at 9% and they are happy with that. They are doing some blood work to check his levels of jaundice - so bearing that coming back under the level - we get to go home! Good thoughts our way please for low jaundice levels!!!! Trying not to get hopes up - but yay! Weight is kicking booty!

London 2012 Baby!

Andrew went back to work yesterday. Nothing else to do around the house and no sense in using his days off while we are still in the hospital just waiting to gain weight. Use them when we can be home as a family! So his coworkers gave him a whole set of London 2012 onesies, hat, bib, scratch gloves as a baby gift. Too cute. Tucker will be able to fit in them in a few months! But here is the cute bib!

Weigh in again this morning sometime - good thoughts!

Who's on First?

So my midwife this morning sent me to take Tucker to the Pediatrician Exam Room. I get there, wait my turn in line for 15 minutes, then when I walk in this is the conversation that ensues:

Hello again.
Again? I already check her?
Yes, you checked HIM 2 days ago.
So why you here?
The midwife told me to come
Why?
I don’t know – she told me to get him checked out
Why do you want her checked out? Something wrong?
I didn’t ask to get HIM checked out – the midwife told me to. He is good except needs to gain some weight
So why you here?
Cause the midwife told me to come
Why?
I don’t know you will need to ask her.
So you want to get discharged?
Well yes at some point – but I was told he needed to gain more weight – he is at 11% of birth weight right now
So you want to go home
No – I want to do what you all think is best. He gained .02 kilos but is still only at 11% - you tell me
Well why don’t you stay another night and we weigh her tomorrow?
OK – that had been the plan – to weigh HIM tomorrow and go from there.
OK

AUGH!

.02 Kilos!

Tucker gained .02 kilos this morning - yay! Only .09 to go to be able to get him discharged. Looking at a few more days here I think. As long as we go up each day - Mummy will be happy and stay relatively sane.

1 week

Happy 1 week birthday to our sweet baby boy Tucker. Mummy and Daddy love you so very much. It is truly amazing how wonderful and sweet and precious you are. So tiny and fragile. Praying for some weight gain so we can take you to our new home soon.

What a week it has been. So many highs and lows. A brand new baby. Strong enough to stay with Mom. Jaundice. Crying over blood tests - both baby and me. Getting the hang of breastfeeding little by little. Tucker eating more. And yet still not gaining enough weight. We have to keep telling ourselves that he was 6 weeks early - so a week or two or three in the hospital isn't a bad thing. They are just ensuring he is strong enough to go home and not come back.

Gonna get some sleep. Hopefully Tucker will wake me up many times to eat.

Up one minute, Down the next

I was so excited about how well Tucker and I did last night breastfeeding. Then they came to weigh him right at feeding time (so no food for the last 3 hours) and he takes a big ol' poo - so he ended up losing .01 kilos. Augh.
So another night here for us. Gotta get my boy a cheeseburger.

Overnight Breakthrough!

What a great night. Not sure how much weight Tucker has or has not gained - but he had a great night! Finally latched on really well and nursed for 20-25 minutes every 2-3 hours. The midwife even came in at one point and noticed how full his cheeks were while feeding. Yay Tucker! Keep eating! Mummy and Daddy love you!

Little Things - Figuratively and Literally

Tucker gained .02 kilos! That moved him from 12% weight loss to 11% and put him on the upswing. Can't go home today - but he is moving in the right direction!

I finally remembered to ask Andrew to bring me my razor with him - so I got to shave my armpits for the first time in 8 days - yay!

And on a funny note - on the news last night - a man's voice came on saying " Do women rely too heavily on pain medication during labor?" Andrew looked at me and busted out laughing. I was like - really? A man just said that? And just funny to be in the mother/chhild unit of a hospital when this came on.

So, at least one more night in the hospital. I think I am starting to go a little jaundice.

Feeling the love

Really feeling it tonight. So much love and support and prayers from friends and coworkers and family. Baby boy is sleeping and has eaten well all day. Just need him to gain .47 kilos to be big enough to go home.

This is a card I wanted to put up earlier - but the Internet wasn't working well. I finally have my laptop (been using Andrew's) and have access to it again. My sweet nephew William made this card for us with no prompting for Valentine's Day.

Night.

Disappointment and Amazement

So Tucker just got checked out by the pediatrician. All good except for weight. Was really thinking he had a good night - but he lost .5 K from yesterday. So down from 2.74 K at birth (6 pounds .65 ounces) to 2.4 today (5 pounds 4.65 ounces) which is more than 10% of his body weight so he stays. So disappointment we are staying, but amazed at how well he is doing for 6 weeks early. Just need to not expect to go home tomorrow and take it day by day. Easier said than done, yeah?

Early Morning Reflections

I am so in love.

Had a much better night of sleep last night. Tucker woke up regularly to eat - and ate well - and became a little more alert as the night went by - which in turn made me feel much better. when Andrew left at 8pm at the end of visiting hours, I was crying a bit about it all. Just want to go home. Just tired of this hospital bed. Just missing having friends here to help out/talk to/get support from. I thank all of you who have us in your prayers. Much needed and appreciated.

When Andrew was here yesterday I left him with Tucker and went into the halls of the hospital just to stretch the legs. Saw the sign for the Interfaith reflection room and hiked up to that. Nice to sit in there in quiet and just pray. That is when the tears started for me. Just been such a hard week.

To look at this tiny creature knowing he is a part of me and to just want him to get stronger so much quicker than he is - just starts to get to you. To see them taking his blood at 2am and hearing him cry so hard while I am so tired - crushes you inside.

Then he snuggles up into my chest and falls fast asleep and I could just melt. I can't tell you how many times he has been kissed! I could just kiss and kiss and kiss him. Oh wait - I do.

Nothing in life goes as planned. I have learned that. And this was no exception. Tucker being early, me crying for drugs, Andrew having to run around town getting errands done we thought we had more time to do. But in the end - we have this sweet, amazing, adorable little boy. And he is worth it.

My butt hurts from this hospital bed as well.

My husband is amazing. He has been so wonderful through this all. So supportive and caring. He is going to be an incredible Daddy and I love him more and more every day.

Andrew's Words

I know I wrote my recollections of everything - but here is what Andrew sent to his Aunt and Uncle. I like his wording and thoughts of it all.

" Yes, Tucker decided he'd had enough and arrived 6 weeks early. He's 6 pounds (2.74k). They don't measure length here anymore - but he seems proportionally long enough to me. Given how early he is everyone is rather surprised how big he is. Even the Doctor, a wonderful Italian guy, was caught off guard when his head started to crown.

Jen is well. Tucker is a bit jaundice and as such is spending his time under what looks like a baby sized tanning bed catching some Vitamin D rays. His glucose levels are good/great = he's getting better at breastfeeding. To ensure he was getting enough calories the tried one round of formula - apparently he didn't like that as he threw it up all over me 30 minutes later. Good boy - that stuff is nasty.

So at this point it looks like Jen and Tucker will come home tomorrow (Sunday) but more likely Monday/Tuesday.

Big picture it's good that they have somewhere to stay. Not sure is Mom told you but we had just completed the move into the new place on Monday morning. We had been in a temp lodging/apartment while looking for a house to rent. Last week I was getting started at work. Jen was hunting for a place - in hindsight - all this activity could have helped Tucker along. Anyway - Monday night was the first night in the new place. Tuesday morning - after I'd gotten up and dressed for work - Jen mentions that she had been up during the night - that she'd had a bit of leaking. Wow - I was literally walking out the door for work when this announcement was made. (In the back of my mind I said "Well - hmmmm - why not wait until I get to work and have the doctors phone me from the hospotal?!?!?") So we got on the bus and went to the hospital. Thankfully it's only 4 stops away or about a 12 minute walk. It was 07:30 when we arrived at the ER. We were escorted to the Baby Department for a "check up". One thing led to another to another to yet another surprise and next thing you know Jen is trabsferred to the Delivery Ward and admitted! This was precautionary - they wanted Tucker to stay in for at leat another 48 hours so they can get a full round of antibiotics and steroids on board. So I go home after midnight - somewhat dazed. I get back at 08:00. A mid morning exam confirms that waters have broken and Jen is 1-2 dilated! What? Tucker's ont he way! Holy cow!

Now remember that we've only been here 10 days. We don't have a GP doctor - haven't take any baby classes - don't have any way to communicate with anyone. Given that we thought we'd have 6 weeks to get ready for Tucker we didn't have any baby stuff either - no nappies or wipes, anything! So I rush out to get supplies and a pay as you go phone. I'm rushing around like a crazy person. Talk about a day not going the way you thought it would when you woke up.

I get back and find that things are a bit nuts. Jen’s labor pains had up until that point been relatively mild. Apparently they came on in a huge way – 10 minutes of crying and screaming saw the “no drugs” birth plan go out the window and Jen got an epidural. While I was out shopping we’d somehow skipped from 3cm to Eleven! At 18:00 the Italian Doctor announces – in a perfectly stereotypical accent - “It is time for baby to come” and tells the mid-wives that Jen is begin pushing at 19:00. Pushing commenced on schedule and then was delayed mid push for 10 minutes to facilitate a mid-wife shift change (welcome to government run health care). Around 20:30 the doctor stops by to check in and says “Why isn’t baby here?”. At that point I see a bit of concern/frustration in his face. He takes off his sport coat – tucks in his tie – asks me to help me with a gown and pretty much says to the midwife – “Step back – I’ll show you how to deliver a baby!” This guy was great – totally personable and caring – but in charge! Tucker wasn’t going to get the better of him. Thirty minutes of pushing and encouragement went by in 30 seconds and Tucker arrived at 21:00. Jen was absolutely wonderful – wow – I can now semi-understand the “nothing hurts like childbirth” comment.

So Tucker is here. Such a beautiful tiny little guy. Lots of black hair and deep dark eyes - we've only seen them a few times."

I love my husband. He is a great Daddy.

Tucker Andrew Marsh

Has arrived! What a week it has been. Born on March 2 at 9pm GMT and weighing in at 6 pounds - he is a strong little guy and fighting to get out of the hospital soon! 6 weeks early, so there goes all our great planning;)

Ok - so more info then some of you want, but just a recap so I have it all down!

Monday we finally moved into our new place - had been moving things over all weekend, but that night was our first night in the house. My water broke probably about 1 am, but I had no idea what had happened and actually waiting until we got up in the morning to say something to Andrew. Yeah, not the smartest thing to do. So instead of him going to work, we headed off to the hospital. On a bus. When we got there they checked me out, yes your waters broke but probably good to just monitor you and get you on antibiotics and steroids (in case he did come early, build up the lungs) and try to hold it off for at least a couple days. They admitted me to the antenatal ward and started to monitor things. Mid afternoon they said, you are having contractions pretty regularly. Really? Turns out all the times I just thought Tucker was shoving his foot or butt up into my ribs - was really contractions. Who knew?! It didn't hurt - I just thought he was moving around. So, then they sent me to the labor and delivery unit. I spent the night there and when Andrew came back the next day - things started moving quicker and quicker. Water totally broke, contractions still going, dilated 2-3 cm. Andrew left to do a quick errand (get a pay as you go cell phone as we had NO contact with anyone - phone not hooked up in house for another 10 days) and when he got back I was at 5 cm and moving. Also, my whole I can handle the pain plan went RIGHT out the window. Bring on the epidural. I can take pain - this is like no other. I was a crying fool both with the pain and with the thought of a needle in my spine. But it worked - felt much better! Andrew was like - what happened when I was gone?! After that, within a few hours I was fully dilated and the nice Italian doctor told the midwives, she will start to push at 7. he left, I started at 7:15, he came back at 8:30 and said - no baby? This baby needs to come now - and he took off his sport coat, tucked his tie into his shirt, Andrew helped him with a smock, and he had me push and the baby came out at 9! Sheer exhaustion. But a sweet baby boy to knock any of those feeling away.


A couple minutes old.



After they put the needle in his hand to give him antibiotics for the next 2 days :(
We have been in the hospital since then as they needed 48 hours to get back the blood work and give him antibiotics - all clean there. Then he got some jaundice so he was under a light therapy machine for a couple days - all better now.
Getting his baby tan;)
Now we are waiting for him to eat a little better today/tonight. he lost .6 pounds since birth - not a ton, but it is 11% of his body weight and they are only happy with up to 10%. So hopefully tomorrow we will go home.
In the meantime, we have been blesses with amazing friends and family and all of their prayers and support. It has been difficult doing all of this so far away without being able to have so many of you come visit. It really has been a tough week at times and I am missing you all more than ever. Many many thanks to my sister who, being a doctor and a mom, has so much knowledge and has been calming and supportive to Andrew and I and has been our line of communication with our parents during the tough times.

Welcome Tucker Andrew Marsh!